"8 Steps to a Struggle Free Bedtime Routine" by Dr. Gina Madrigrano
Are you struggling with your child's bedtime routine? Fighting to get the kids in bed? Tired of repeating the same instructions daily? Losing your patience, screaming even? Dreading that step at the end of your day? Has it become a very negative experience for you and for your child? Here is a time tested simple way to go about it.
Decide on the time you want your child to be in bed. The routine should start one hour before that. Important warning: do not rush this routine, or push your child to hurry up. This is stressful for your child, activating his stress response, which defies the purpose of the routine, which is to calm your child down. Furthermore, it makes for an unpleasant interaction between the two of you. The goal is to make this time of the day a pleasurable experience so that your child will look forward to it, or at the least, not fight it.
Fact: The brain is programmed to naturally produce melatonin as the body unwinds and lights start to dim. It is this hormone that helps us to start feeling sleepy and then fall asleep. This is why it's important to shut off all screens at least an hour before bedtime, or else you delay melatonin production and your child will have a hard time falling asleep. Turn off all electronics, including yours (at least for this moment, drop your cell, your iPad, etc.) The light and the stimulating effect of screens actually disrupts the sleep cycle (read more about melatonin on Dr Mercola's web site).
Develop a routine that will be the same every night. This will program the brain to know that it's preparing for sleep. It will not only help in the natural production of melatonin, but your child will naturally calm down and unwind, and gradually will start to feel sleepy.
This is also an excellent opportunity for parents to slow down from a busy day, and bond with their child. Part of the bedtime routine with small children involves the participation of parents. Drop everything, and focus 100% on your child.
Remember the goal of this routine, which is not only to prepare your child for sleep and the restorative benefits of rest and dreams, but it is also a precious moment where the two of you will bond and connect, and be truly present in this moment.
It is not a waste of time or a meaningless activity for your child. It actually crowns the day beautifully, brings safety and security as an added benefit, and it is the perfect opportunity to show your child how much you love him.
It is in these ordinary moments that your relationship develops. This is where connection truly happens, daily. There is richness and hidden gifts in the simplicity and routine of daily life.
The 8 simple steps to a struggle free bedtime routine are as follows (adjust based on age):
1) The bedtime routine can start with helping your child to tidy up, so that when you get up in the morning, you are not greeted by clutter and chaos. Clutter contributes to stress and anxiety (see Kim John Payne's work on Simplicity Parenting). Help your child pick up their toys, choose their clothes for the next day, put together their school bag, and/or sports equipment. Have everything ready so that you are not rushed in the morning.
2) Follow by the bathroom routine. It should involve going to the bathroom, brush and floss teeth, and the night time bath or shower. The warm water will naturally relax your child. Adding lavender essential oil ( natural not synthetic, as it is toxic) to the bath water will further relax your child. Do not rush bath time. Remember, you have allotted time for this. If your child really loves bath time and you always feel rushed, just start the routine earlier. You can visit my web site for my recipe on relaxing bath salts. If you involve your child in making this recipe, you'll spark an interest in your child in wanting to use what he created!
3) Dim the lights or turn on a night light, this will help with melatonin production. After the bath, gift your child with a soothing massage as you rub a nice moisturizing cream or oil on his little body. Do not underestimate the wonderful power of a loving touch. It shows your child they matter, that you love them, that you care. They can then put their little pajama.
4) You can follow with a short routine of PM yoga as a way to prepare the body for sleep. You can do yoga, or just do a few relaxing stretches. Depending on the age of your little one, the bath, and the massage may have been sufficient to relax your child. This is just an added ritual that prepares the body and the mind for rest and sleep.
5) You can then cuddle in bed with your child and read a beautiful bed time story. I have found that one story is enough and sometimes as a treat we may add another one. Don't be surprised if your child always wants the same story. It takes a few times to take the whole story in. Children love repetition. They are not bored as you might be by the repetition. The more they hear the story, the less attention they need, and they can be completely immersed by the story. Stories prepare them for a calm sleep and the world of dream land.
6) I like to end the day on a positive note and ask my daughter for three things she was grateful for today, and I tell her what I was grateful for as well.
7) Just before kissing my daughter goodnight, and turning off the lights, we have a special prayer for continued health and protection. My daughter was diagnosed with leukaemia when she was a tiny 2.5 year old. A friend of mine who wasn't supposed to survive her cancer shared this special prayer with us and we have said it every night since. You can end the night on a prayer, a poem, or a blessing if you like, whether you are religious or not, or spiritual.
8) Last but not least, shower your child my with kisses and hugs to escort him to dreamland. You can add a special saying if you like (e.g., I say "goodnight, I love you, sleep tight") before you turn off all the lights.
